For better or worse

What a week it's been. I cancelled the egg donation because the agreement was that she covers expenses incurred in the process and, well, she didn't. For the sake of $1,300 odd she threw away over 15k (by my estimate) and her last chance for a child. Did she honestly think that her breaking our agreement would ensure I still donated? What about our agreement for after she had a baby, would she have broken that one as easily? Why would I allow myself to be out of pocket and still give her my DNA? Seems ridiculous.

So, I went to Tassie anyway, I could after all and so flew down Saturday, shopped, got a massage, relaxed at the hotel, took myself out to dinner on my own, dressed as a 1920's flapper (read my book) and then took myself off to the partayyyyy. By 2 am I was in tears, I'd walked the length of Hobart in 6-8 inch stilettos and I was being falsely accused of having "stolen" a feather boa.

I had been up and going since 5am but still, Jesus H Christ.

2 hours sleep and flew home.

Found out that I lost my job over the egg donation saga and so now, I'm just trying to catch up on the housework.

Still think I need a beer Ramon? Or should I go for something stronger?

On the way up..

Well well, the egg donation saga is continuing however, there is now an end in sight and frankly can't wait!! What started as a cheap way to get good karma, help someone else and generally do all the things to get good karma that you need to do has turned into 7 months of hormonal hell. It's ok, by Saturday it's all over. Sadly Saturday is a close friends birthday, in Tasmania. I have booked my tickets and hotel but whether I get to use them is up to my ovaries whch is interesting, I know some men are ruled by their testicles and some women choose to live by their ovaries and ticking biological clocks, but I never thought I'd be trapped into that kind of living. Huh. Just goes to show.

By this time next month I should be able to look over this blog with shame in my heart and guilt on my mind, it doesn't matter that I have never done the wrong thing in deed, I did think about it for a second. I have been selfish, rude, overreacting to everything and generally horrible, I have also been drinking too much, smoking too much, eating too much, thinking of myself too much and generally being a shithead in all ways. But I am lucky. I have friends and family who love me beyond anything I deserve and just hope that before this time in my life ends I don't have another down moment that ends it all.

If the good karma depends on me having handled all this shit with grace and flair, I'm screwed.