Weighting, waiting, weighting

Last May I joined Weight Watchers. I wasn't happy with the size I was, even though I wasn't, by any stretch of the imagination, obese. Or even, to a lot of people, fat.

Since joining WW I have lost 12 kilos, which leaves me with a measely 6 kilos left to lose. Hooray!

Except now I have hit a bit of a bump in the road. I haven't been to any WW meetings in a month and I haven't been eating healthy.

So this bump in the road. The few followers of this blog are saying, sure, these things happen, no biggie, we believe in you, etc., etc., give us more lowbrow drama to fill our heads with cottonwool. Sorry, not today people. I have an 'issue' and I need to vent is somewhere. This is why I love the FART cart.

I don't actually remember the last time I was happy with my weight. I have been chubbier than I've wanted to for years. It's always been at the forefront of my mind and it has wrought havock with my self esteem. However, I have recently come to the realisation that FAT is not actually my issue. It's my family's issue. To be even more precise, it's my immediate family and my extended family on my father's side.

Now when I say that, I don't mean my family are all obese - quite the opposite, for the most part. What I mean is my family are obsessed with NOT being fat. They must do everything in their power to stay skinny! And if you get even a little bit chubby - lookout!

Just for a basic introduction to the kind of fat my family is against:

• Over a ladies size 14,
• Anything except a flat, washboard stomach Ms McPhearson would be proud of,

Uh, actually, that about covers it. However, conversely, you are not allowed to 'lose your femininity' by working out too hard and gaining too much muscle. Nor are you allowed to lose so much weight that you look gaunt and underfed.

So you know, that leaves a pretty narrow window. And completely forgets about essential items like genetics, hormones and age.

On both sides of the family (which means we can't get away from it. Ever.) we have genetically programmed into our body-type code, A Bit Of A Belly. This means that I will never, ever have a flat stomach. This is a fact I am now, after years of agonising and worrying, happy to deal with. My family on the other hand, can't quite come to terms with it.

Actually, I tell a lie. Once upon a time I did have a flat stomach. I had been sick for 10 days and hadn't been able to eat in a week. I lost 7 kilos in that one week and I was way too skinny.

Also, for those of you not in the know any woman, in any given month, will gain and lose weight, sometimes kilos at a time. This is natural and healthy. It's called hormones. Deal with it.

I also have a cousin who is rather obese (you don't want to end up like her do you?) and an aunty who was obese and has now joined the must-be-skinny obsession.

So for my whole life I've had this FAT = BAD thing stamped into my subconscious. And I'm now old enough and wise enough to put is behind me (well, ok, it's a slow process, but I'm getting there).

So my parents are coming back from a rather long hiatus overseas. They're coming back this Friday. This means I will now have my two biggest influences in my life back in... my life. You know what I mean, much closer quarters. And they are ecstatic that I've started getting fit and healthy. And they have been wonderful and supportive throughout. The only problem is, their version of 'supportive' takes me straight back to my teenage years. Allow me to explain.

I started swimming for exercise - it's a great, no-impact, sport where I don't have to compete against anyone but myself - my kind of exercise. So then my parents kept asking me, being all enthusiastic, 'how many laps have you done today?'. 'Have you been for a swim today?' Which made me feel exactly like I did when I was in highschool, 'have you done your homework?', 'have you tidied your room?'.

Now I know they're just excited that I'm getting into life, etc. However as soon as they start asking me these things I all of a sudden feel obliged to do it. For them. It makes the whole thing no longer my own - it's not mine anymore, I'm doing it to make them happy.

So I deliberately 'fell' off the wagon. Out of spite to my parents. That's right, ladies an gentlemen, a relatively sane 27 year old woman behaves like a 16 year old girl in a frump. Headlines headlines.

*sigh*

At least I know why I did it.

And I was talking to a friend about this as well. She suggested that I cut them out of my get fit/weight loss thing altogether. So they would not be allowed to ask me how I'm going or what I've been up to. If I wish to share my progress, successes and losses, then I will. But they would no longer able to enquire.

To me that sounds a little harsher than I'm willing to do all at once, however she put it very nicely, I've been giving ground to my parents my whole life, doing what they want me to do, behaving they way they want me to. I'm allowed to shut a few doors occasionally.

Regardless, I'm starting again today and I'm hoping with my fingers tightly crossed that I have, at the very least, not put on in my month-long holiday from reason - I've still been exercising a bit, just not eating healthy (I love cheese, what can I say?!).

Happy short week everyone :)